Inspiration - Poem

On this pen and pad I unleash my wrath,
Taking words and constructing my subject’s figurative blood bath,
Hell may hath no fury like a woman’s scorn,
But Hell falls short also when compared to a poet recalling his life’s path all shredded and torn.
"What’s your inspiration?" they ask,
It’s the killer of my soul in my family using the title of dad as his mask,
It’s my black role models seeking their life’s understanding in a wine flask,
It's myself looking grief, pain, sorrow, the uncertainty of tomorrow and whatever else the world leaves at my door step square in the face, while finding the courage to tell my hopes and aspirations to keep pace.
It’s when the police use bullets and mace, when a “Good evening sir.” would have worked just as well in that time and place.
It’s when shady folks smile and a laugh in my face,
While seeing how much grass on the other side of the fence they can taste,
It’s my young brothers taking life as something they can waste,
Thinking education is a simple as “Cut and Paste.”

See I find inspiration, because the problems of life come without hesitation.
Just as pearls form from an oyster’s irritation,
So do my words to combat this war of the little man that stands among the giants and goes unspoken for.
I stand proud and say I refuse to call my black queens, although some may still be in training, bitches and whores,
Take life serious, because when death comes he’s not so easy to ignore…

Labor of Lard - Poem

The gym is a hard place to be,
It shows all the weakness that is in me.
I'm covered in a wrapping that has all too long been an eye-sore to see,
each drop of sweat,
is a small step to being free.
I'm a slave to years of bad eating,
and no exercise.
Fighting a long fight against my body,
at times I can't tell who is leading...
Its tough,
I hate my diet at times,
but each bit of work,
adds a few lumens to my shine.
I can't see the end,
I don't know what I will be...
But I refuse to give up,
just watch and see...

What if Weezy Freestyled like this...(Poem)

My rhymes are sick like Sub-Saharan Africa,
I got the game on lock,
like black males in America.
My skills tight like the clothes 13 year old girls be wearing that have them looking like they twice their age.
I got you looking at my shine like those men look at her that are twice her age.
See I spit hot fire,
like the STD epidemic in our hoods,
and I'm big on the underground like Jena Six and other lynchings in the Southern back woods.
If my rhymes were dope,
they would be a kilo for every chick that signs along with "B*tch" like "He ain't talking about me though..."
or every half oz of trees these little dude carry around selling hoping to be like their hero,
You know T.I., Wayne and Jeezy,
and I got love for them niggas,
cause they hold us down,
that's why a nigga that shines and rhymes like me is always going to be around.
See I got fans like old elderly people dying from the heat in South, G - A.
I got these niggas dying like Hip Hop, A Bay Bay.
See I keeps it real, like I keeps the gun to my head with my finger on the trigga,
I'm not trying to go mainstream like the word "Nigga."

And I don't care how many parties you plan or how many niggas show up wearing something "nice" if you think you are helping black folks just think twice. In places we never see, where the door is closed to you and me, because of every fashion show, step show, and nigga that shows up to class with a gold grill, dreads and a mix tape they will never take us seriously! Entertainment is alright, but being crunk and staying crunk was never win the fight. As a culture we aren't close to being right. So when you listen to these niggas talking about their diamonds on glo, remember there is more to the world, a lot mo!

A Hopeless Romantic am I...

For anyone that knows me, I am a hopeless romantic. I get a lot of enjoyment out of being open with my feelings and expressing them for those I care about. The only thing about me and my feelings or the openess of them is that I tend to linger on journeys that others seem to finish twice over. I don't understand why I can't just flip a magic switch and say "Man I'm over this, or finished with that!" My heart hovers around a bad situation like bees that have just seen a bear destroy their nest for honey.

What am I trying to say??? I guess its that I hope that being true to my feelings is enough to redeem people and the relationships I have with them. I mean can darkness remain in the prescence of unyeilding light? Can a heart cold to your touch stay frigid after coming into contact with the emblazened passion you feel for that person? I don't know man...I've wondered this a many of night. When do you throw your hands up when dealing with people and say "Enough is enough!" When does your better sense start lying to your heart?

Can I tell you how I feel about you? - Poem

Can I tell you how I feel about you?
Because with each day that passes,
With each moment unspent together,
I know better the loneliness,
of the abyss of a dream deferred for the safety of unspoken words,
only enjoying friendly dealings and not the ones for which my heart is bleeding.

I speak the words in my head for me to hear,
And in the end I wish you had also heard how beautiful I thought you were.
How lovely your smile is to me,
How much time together with you means to me.

Can I tell you how I feel about you,
Can I take the words that I craft in my heart,
And let your examination of them start,
In the hope that the diagnosis is yes,
if not for more than just a day of you and me?

But the side effects of no longer letting my heart be neglected,
May be reflected in the way you see me from then on.
See I can’t be the friend I was if you see me as the hunter,
And yourself as the prey, because the simplicity of a visit one day,
Will be viewed as me trying to steer your stare my way.

But I would rather have a life without you,
Rather than my love being wasted on the afterthoughts of you.
So can I let you know, can I bring forth the words before I go?
Lets see what happens,
when God lets me know, I will let you know.

Red Eyed Good-Byes - Poem

She's like a rainbow after a brief rain.
Fleeting with each glance.
My lips already miss saying her name.
Her perfume is growing faint,
and the warmth of her touch is giving way to cold.
My arms lack purpose,
without her to hold.
The sounds of our laughter echo into silence,
The sounds of my loneliness grow louder.
She's leaving.
My mind begins to scramble for answers,
as the questions of what to say,
how to act,
and how to look begin to overwhelm the moment.
I'm holding back tears,
they've been waiting to give away that I'm in love with her.
My words make no sense,
my voice has no strength.
I'm in love and that love is leaving.
I'm saying Good-Bye,
with red eyes that only her staying can dry...

Women, oh yeah...

So I guess this is where I challenge myself and write something a bit "personal."

I started this whole "self-exploration through writing" because I had a head over heals crush with one of my friends and honestly I wrote about that stuff for two reasons:

1. She liked poems.

2. I was too much of a chicken as an overweight socially awkward teen to just tell her unapologetically how "madly" in "love" I was with her.

So what makes me mention this...I guess you could say I find myself in a similar position, one with a little more "meat on its bones."

I'll be the first to say that I've never been a smooth guy. I've done all the "non-traditional" stuff that most "unadjusted" guys will do (chat rooms, long distance unseen girlfriends). However some of that I'd attribute to just being busy with other stuff(school and now career), or conveniently distracted to never have to worry about getting rejected.

So where is this rambling going? I have to say that even now I'm not sure I understand women lol. I mean on one hand talking to women isn't hard anymore thanks to a couple of revelations I've had. However it gets a lot more complicated when dealing with the ones(the one) that you have a deeper bond with than just a name exchange and some random bantering that spawns.

Moving on when you are still in love with someone is challenge and one I'm facing right now. Part of me looks forward to the next moment I can spend time with her, but the part of me that is looking for something concrete and committed is resentful of:

1. My weakness to keep allowing her to have access to relationship benefits without any actual relationship being there.

2. Me accepting the convenience of not looking anywhere else for something meaningful.

I mean its a bad situation when being open and accessible doesn't bring you each any closer, it just gives each of you each a fix, a momentary satisfaction that neither of you want to make the commitment to sharing exclusively with each other. I don't want to shut anyone out of my life, but I think that if two people aren't defining what they are and what they mean to each other, that if they continue to blur the lines between friends and couple, that ultimately the one that cares a little more, the one that wants to be a couple a little more will get hurt when the other person finds someone that they want to commit to. I don't want to be around to have to answer the question of did I care too much, or did I have too much of myself invested into some shapeless void of companionship when things resolve themselves to what they are destined to be...

My Diet

So...yesterday was a rough day. For a little background, I've been working out seriously for well over a year now, so don't think me to be one of these "New Year's Resolution" gym goers that will up and vanish in about three more weeks. This week has been challenging in that I'm gearing back up eating low carb and working out 5 days a week. So for some reason, call it lack of will or just slovenly laziness, I ate like a pig.

I ate several donuts, Chinese food, and a triple whopper with cheese and bacon!

This CLEARLY isn't low carb.

So today I've been focused on proving I can conquer my bad habits again. Today was a good day, minimum carb ingestion and a killer leg workout. I'm actively taking in about 2000 calories a day which if my estimates are correct puts me on pace to lose about 2 pounds a week without counting my workout calories I burn.

To answer the question behind what my motivation is, I just want to be outwardly awesome. I've always wanted the best in life(from my perspective) and I just want my body and physical health to match how I see myself inwardly. Weight is a problem that not only threatens your life, but robs you of possible joy you can give and receive from the world.

Finding Love In The Familiar - Poem

Battered and bruised,
Hurt, scared and weary.
She's looking for the calm of a thousand ordinary days.
No knight in shining armor,
But someone to provide a moment to harbor,
Peace...
Sweet and righteous peace...
To shelter her during the moments she feels least.
No certainty in her steps,For she sees him,
A face she all to long tried to forget.
His words sound genuine,
And his touch sure,
But dare she trust his arms again...
The ones that may bruise her flesh again...

He stands between her and all she's fears.
Terror screams for her to hear,
He muffles each shout with the whispers of his own heart...
"I love you."
In the silence he's created,
That perfect calm.
She rests as he holds her fears at bay.
She's found sanctuary,
In his arms,
In his apology,
In their fragile hopes…
She's found love in the familiar.

Welcome

The idea behind this blog is really centered around just sharing what I'm thinking about and what's going on in my head. I plan on writing my poems on here, as well as talking about whatever else crosses my mind. I hope you guys enjoy.